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There are countless circles that surround the epicentre of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). These circles are, in large part, dangerous distractions for those who have been diagnosed with BPD. These circles are represented by the questions, attention, and focus given to the cause of BPD firstly. Secondly, these circles ripple out from the arguments about the cause of BPD to the discussion of whether or not BPD can be recovered from. Thirdly, these circles further ripple out in and through the waves of stigma and negativity associated with both the diagnosis and the experience of having BPD.

At the epicentre of Borderline Personality Disorder is the core wound of abandonment. Regardless of what else one wants to say may be at the heart of BPD, for sure we know that unresolved abandonment issues are in play in BPD.

For so many diagnosed with BPD so much time and energy is wasted being caught up – even trapped – in the circles of contention surrounding what BPD is, what causes it, if and/or how it can be recovered from and so on.

Now some professionals are speculating that BPD might be a "brain disorder". If it is than I say, life, itself, is a "brain disorder". It is easy to blame the brain when it will likely not ever be totally understood. On the other hand, there is some truth to the fact that one’s brain is partly involved in one having BPD or the way that it manifests in your life. Why? Well, because your brain has something to do, really, with each and every facet of your life. This is true for those with BPD and for those who are not personality-disordered.

The traits used to define BPD in the DSM-IV are human traits and yet somehow, now, according to some professionals these very human traits which manifest more extremely in those with BPD are the manifestation of a disordered brain. I find this confusing and frankly not worth focusing on. I think it is a trap, a negative trap for those with BPD. What I found to be very true in my own recovery is that no one – not even those who are mental health professionals – knew more about me than it turned out I actually did. No one knows more about you than you. Yes, that’s right, even in and through the compromised or dissociated from awareness of self associated with BPD, you, working along with a therapist are still your best bet to improve your life.



If you have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder the number one thing that matters is that you learn what that means, that you come to understand BPD and how it effects your life and more to the point your relationships.

The number two thing that matters for those with BPD is finding their way to skilled professional help and a willingness to make an on-going commitment to take personal responsibility for doing the hard but necessary work in therapy to get better, to be on the road to recovery, and yes – to recover.

Focusing on or debating about the circles that surround the epicentre of BPD are and the reality of BPD in your life is not going to help you to get better. As someone who has recovered from BPD I know how important it is to find hope in getting better, to find hope for recovery, and to believe in that recovery.

Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder cannot be possible until one believes that it is possible.

Free yourself from the focus and attention on what causes BPD, or what the latest journal article or study says about this aspect of it or the other. Free yourself from those who do not hold out any hope that you can get better.

Dare to walk into the epicentre of BPD. Dare to awaken, through therapy, to the reality of what it truly means to have Borderline Personality Disorder. Be willing to take the difficult journey that is the discovery of self – one that will be realized by confronting one’s abandonment trauma and one’s shame. BPD does not have to be a life-long path of suffering and ruptured relationships.

Believe in yourself. Take responsibility for yourself. Decide that you will do what is necessary to get on the road to recovery. Make no mistake about it though, recovery will not be found in a pill, it will not be handed to you by some professional. Recovery from BPD is about your journey. It is about you finding and reclaiming your lost authentic self.



Recovery from BPD is not a miracle – it is the result of a determined willingness to take personal responsibility for one’s self. It is the result of hard work. Recovery from BPD, in your life, will be the result of the faith, belief, and hope that you exercise toward the breaking of primitive, polarized, and negatively distorted ways of thinking that result in distorted borderline ways of feeling, acting, reacting, perceiving and/or experiencing life.

The circles that surround the epicentre of Borderline Personality Disorder, for those who have BPD, are in your way. Re-define your focus. Shift your energy. Believe that you can get better and settle for nothing less than getting better.

© A.J. Mahari, June 7, 2008 – All rights reserved.


A.J. Mahari is a Life Coach who, among other things, specializes in working with those with BPD and family members, friends, relationship partners or ex-relationship partners of those with BPD (non borderlines).


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The Circles That Surround The Epicentre of Borderline Personality Disorder