Those with Borderline Personality Disorder have to contend with a deep and profoundly pervasive pain that they often aren't even consciously aware of. This pain, at the heart of BPD, is the pain of abandonment. Those diagnosed with BPD living their lives through the protective and narcissistic borderline false self are so busy protecting from this profound and pervasive pain that they actually end up perpetuating it in ways that not only cause them to re-experience it but in ways that keep them stuck in the very pain and suffering that is Borderline Personality Disorder.

At the center of this profound pain is the loss of the authentic self, in those with BPD, caused by the core wound of abandonment and a fragmented shame of abandonment that colours all relational interactions often to the point of rupturing them. This loss of authentic self is the seat or root of all borderline rage – rage that is the result of the abandoned pain of bpd and the on-going  impact of the core wound of abandonment.

Many with BPD, even though they are in great pain, are really not consciously aware of this pain. Living from the heart of the shame of Borderline Personality Disorder means continually abandoning the pain of your core wound of abandonment by trying to escape it, avoid it, and deny it.

Pain not faced, addressed, and grieved in healthy ways will only multiply. Self-destructive and dysfunctional ways of attempting to avoid or keep this pain at bay actually perpetuates this pain and often makes it even more anxiety-producing and feared over time. This can make efforts to pursue recovery feel contradictory and very frightening.

Pursuing therapy means facing pain that those with BPD have avoided for most of their lives – pain that has been buried deep within the subconscious. Pain that has come to be conceived of as something that is outside of self and that has the power to annihilate or kill the borderline.

If you have Borderline Personality Disorder you need to know that your pain cannot and will not kill you. You can face it, feel it, grieve it, learn to tolerate the distress of it, in therapy, and survive it.

The journey from the center of this pain to the road to recovery is the journey From False Self to Authentic Self and there is hope for this journey to unfold the moment that anyone who has BPD chooses this journey and takes the personal responsibility necessary to commit to the work and process of therapy.

© A.J. Mahari, December 8, 2008


A.J. Mahari is a Life Coach who, among other things, specializes in working with those with BPD and non borderlines. A.J. has 5 years experience as a
Life Coach and has worked with hundreds of clients from all over the world.


Share This:

Borderline Personality Disorder and The Pain Of Abandonment