What is the difference, do you think, between continuing to blame your mother or father and taking personal responsibility now for you in your life what ever your life is challenging you with right now? You might be surprised to know that the more you continue to invest in the anger and/or hatred you feel toward a parent (whether that parent has BPD or not) the more you will keep yourself stuck in your own pain and suffering. The more that you are likely to pass that pain and suffering on to people in your life now that you care about.
There is a major difference between leaving the blame and fault with a parent and owning the state of your life right now, regardless. That difference is the difference between staying stuck emotionally or moving forward. It is also the difference between remaining a victim and all that means in terms of emotional suffering and repeating old negative relational patterns over and over in your life or actively choosing to take personal responsibility for you life now, today, regardless, and moving out of that victim mindset.
If you were victimized, validate that, but then, learn to let that go. Often those with BPD feel a very valid victimization. The problem is that if you don't actively seek to heal what left you a victim so long ago, in there here and now, you can't really learn to relate in ways that can help you to find much more interpersonal success relationally and internal emotional peace, generally.
- The Shame of Abandonment in BPD
- From False Self To Authentic Self In BPD – Getting In Touch With Your Inner Child
- BPD and Abandonment
- Finding Hope From the Polarized Reality of BPD
- Preparing For Recovery From BPD
- Emotion Dysregulation in BPD
- Rage Addiction in Borderline Personality Disorder
You can read the BPD Message Forum on A.J.'s website, and if you have BPD, you can register to join and take part in the discussions.
© A.J. Mahari, January 8, 2009