A.J. Mahari is a Life Coach that helps people cope with and work through the painful consequences of having been bullied. Bullies, in adulthood, try to personify power because they feel helpless and out of control. They tell lies and stories about their victims/targets to anyone who will listen and believe them because that gives them a false sense of power and importance.
Often we hear or read in the news about cyberbullying and its devastating consequences for so many people. The same is true of bullying done to people in real life, at work, at school, in a neighborhood where they live. The consequences of bullying of all kinds, done by and to people of all ages is significant and very difficult to cope with.
Why do so-called “adults” bully? The most common answer to this question is because they, themselves, are in a great deal of pain and experiencing a lot of dissatisfaction with their own lives. Bullies project onto others their own unresolved issues. They target people that they either believe are easy targets that can’t or won’t stand up for themselves or some bullies target someone they perceive they were slighted or rejected by. Others also bully because they have such low-self worth to no self-worth that they seek to (often in groups) gain an illusion of what is false power and really shows bullies to be weak, needy, unhappy, toxic people who want to do nothing, not awaken to enlightenment or work on their own feelings to feel better not get help and take personal responsibility – no – they’d rather “feel better” by hurting others and blaming them for hurting the bully (projection and transference by bully onto target/victim of bully) because a bully’s misery truly does love company. They also really crave the illusion of importance, being visible and being heard, when really this is also part of their illusions or delusions. The bully will always blame his or her victim and when the person targeted tries to speak up they will be bullied even more so that all can say that the victim is the bully. It’s emotionally immature, damaging, and shows the weakness of those who bully.
There are very toxic people, often alcohol and/or drug addicted that bully to try to make themselves more important to a small group of people or in an attempt to the “big man” in a neighborhood. They give little if any thought to those that they target. Bullies bully because they are toxic, unhealthy, people, living with major unresolved childhood issues. They need power and control to feel powerful and in control because, truthfully, bullies really feel helpless, powerless, and are often not about to look at their own issues.
Many bullies target others because they come together in toxic little groups and through their inspired and on-going negativity toward a target or targets they continue to devalue a person until they feel entitled to do or say anything they want to their target or about their target.
Bullies are manipulators. People that side with a bully or are in a group (toxic) like a few people always talking down someone in a neighborhood, for example, and that follow, agree with, and believe the bully (often without ever knowing the target(s) – person(s) being picked on and lied about) do not think for themselves. They are people with either small minds or people who feel the need to belong to the group that they perceive to have power. Bullies seem to have a lot of power. Adult-age bullies are really small wounded children in adult bodies behaving very badly. At all costs they want to hurt their target so that they can feel better about themselves. It’s sadistic, really.
The reason people bully is low to no self-esteem, alcohol and drug problems, being overly dependent on toxic cognitively distorted “group-think” which is really nothing more than toxic gossip engaged in and constantly talked about where a target or targets are concerned as a distraction from the what are often very unsuccessful and unhappy lives. Bullies feel entitled. They feel that what they think, say, or believe makes it so.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
Adults bully because they are lost in their own lives and are overcompensating for all of their failure up to this point in their lives. Only a bully that hurts (usually suppressed and subconscious and not consciously aware of their suppressed pain, anger, feelings of emptiness and feeling out of control in their own lives) can set out to intentionally hurt another person for what can often be no reason. Not that there is ever an acceptable reason to bully.
So-called “adults” that bully are unaware, not awakened people, who feel so powerless that they feel a strong need to re-experience, at other people’s expense, the sandbox of their youth. That is to say bullies of adult age are children emotionally stuck in the sandbox of unresolved issues from childhood that have blocked them, left them feeling like the victims of their past, which they then project on to those they bully.
The results of bullying harassment are significant and each person who has experienced this needs to get some help and support to process what they have been through, to learn that they are not at fault and that you can learn and grow even from the miserable experience of having been bullied.
© A.J. Mahari, September 16, 2013 – All rights reserved.