What is the only absolute and healthy protection from those with BPD, NPD, or ASPD – the sociopath or psychopath? It is not what you might think. This sure fire healthy way to really protect yourself isn’t about protection at all as such. It is also not dependent upon what the borderline, narcissist, or sociopath/psychopath does. It is something that is your responsibility and that you have the personal power to do.
The person with BPD (in different ways then other Cluster B) and the NPD and the sociopath or psychopath after they victimize and abuse you once as their prey, it becomes not only about now but it is a repetitive cycle that becomes your past calling again and again. Don’t keep answering “it”. The Narcissist or psychopath (or untreated person with BPD) has nothing new to say at all. Believe that!
The person with Borderline Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and/or psychopath/sociopath – what do they really want from you? People with BPD want to feel they exist through you. People with NPD want to use you as an object of supply and fuel that means they can externalize how they are empty and not feeling much inside and need to avoid any pain that they might encounter but cannot tolerate at all inside. The Sociopath, psychopath, targets you, bullies you, preys on you to take abusively from you without conscience supply and fuel to feel alive through your emotional reactions that is the supply they need. They do not see you. They do not know how, at all, to care about you. You become a targeted object especially in the case of NPD and the sociopath/psychopathic abuse.
People talk about protecting themselves against the BPD, NPD, the sociopath/psychopath. People talk about wanting to beat the BPD, the NPD, the sociopath/psychopath. People talk about wanting to get revenge from the cluster B personality disordered person (neighbor) loved one, family member etc. All of the above will mean that you will continue to be abused more by the cluster B personality disordered because protecting, trying to win, or punish or seek revenge from these people is all experienced by them as the supply, the fuel they want and the more negative the better. So the more you try to win or fight back, or protect or seek revenge the more hooks you bite, traps you fall into and bait you take and this just means they will keep provoking you for more and more supply and fuel and remember the more negative or emotional you get the more they get that supply and fuel at the abuse and expense of you.
What to do then?
Stop the cycle by stepping out of it. Use of and building the skills needed for self-control is the way that you “nothing” the narcissist or the psychopath so that you are not in their target-use-abuse-get-supply cycle anymore.
It is all about self-control. It is all about firstly, observing and not absorbing. It’s about neutrality. It’s about not reacting visibly at all. It’s not being around really. It’s all about disengagement. It’s all about no reaction. It’s all about not feeding the beast what it wants. Take your emotions to a professional or a trusted person in your life and allow yourself to cry when it hurts, but not in front of the BPD, NPD or ASPD person. Do not let them see you sweat or hurt at all. This neutrality is the way to freedom. This self-control means we hold our own power, block their using us, respect and take care of ourselves. This is the healthiest response.
The best revenge is successful living. Celebrate and embrace what being targeted by someone with BPD (though that’s not as much actual targeting as such) NPD or ASPD – the sociopath or psychopath because the healing and lessons you can learn to live in your life toward being really free are within you.
Mindful self-control and not biting another hook, not falling into another trap, not being baited one more time, not giving away yourself, your emotions, as mainly the Narcissist and Psychopath seek to take from you as prey in targeted ways is the only way to actually defeat them.
And, it’s not really about defeating them as much as it is about you holding your precious personal power, the spectrum of your emotional richness, and not feeding the beast that seeks to use you as an object for their own calculated abusive gain and really, in the end, for absolutely nothing at all. Because nothing feeds the narcissist or psychopathic beast enough – EVER!
When you mindfully learn or continue to work on your own self-control within this frame of reference of why that I share with you and that I work on with my clients is the only way to not fall victim/prey to the predator narcissist or psychopath.
© A.J. Mahari, July 20, 2016 – All rights reserved.