Whether you are the adult child of a narcissist or any other cluster B, or the partner or ex-partner of a narcissist, have a narcissistic boss, co-worker, family member, neighbour, Landlord, I have been where you are.
The healing and recovery process involves processing and re-framing the “programmed” thoughts and core emotions that those thoughts are driving as you continue to be in a heightened state of high flight/fight/freeze/fawn response to emotional, visual, and/or somatic flashbacks. The first thing I help clients do is to learn how to settle their nervous systems down. How to ground. How to deep breathe, to name just to methods, that can really begin to help you learn to cope with the change, healing and recovery process and help you get some very quick relief the more you practice these coping tools/skills and more.
Often people are shell-shocked, so traumatized, feel fragmented, feel destroyed after Narcissistic Abuse that they just need to be heard and understood in a validating empathetic way to start with. I will hear you. I really do care. I really do know the pain, the self-doubt, the loss of self, the brain fog, dissociation, confusion, cognitive dissonance, despair and so much more that is so, so, very painful, that it is sadly, common, to wonder if you can go on, or if you will ever feel better again.
You have done, and are right now, doing the best you can. You need to become more aware, to focus more on your self and to know that you are stronger than you feel. As you become more aware, as you understand more and more, you will know better, continue to heal and learn that it was not your fault and that you will find the healing changes that you need and do better from this day forward with what you are becoming aware of or already know, and what you are going to choose to do about the aftermath of the trauma of the abuse that never was and is not your fault. It didn’t happen because you did this or that, or you didn’t do this or that, or you aren’t good-enough, or if only you would have done or know this or that – NO! That’s the internalized critic – the Narcissistic abuser’s narrative – not your own.
I will help you come to find your own self, your voice, your narrative and to break free from all that still hurts over and over as you remember, perhaps ruminating on all that the Narc abuser said to you and blamed you for – that was really all the abuser’s “stuff” that they projected out onto you and that they have no self-awareness of. They can’t take responsibility. You need to know you now and to be there for you now. A key central core aspect of this recovery from Narcissistic abuse is coming back to your for the first time really fully knowing yourself and/or learning more about yourself to have different boundaries and a strengthening resilience of self. It is one of the best remedies to protect you from any further narcissistic abuse or Cluster B’s you may encounter in this world, in life in general that you will then be able to effectively cope with and not be traumatized again by.
I have come through this. I want to help you heal and recover from Narcissistic abuse. I know that you, too, can do this. It is a process. Each individual person’s journey is a little bit different. I honour that and individualize the process to each client to ensure that how I can support and help you is the best way for you. That this method and process of healing and recovery is optimized to where you are, how you are coping, or not, with that, how you learn, how you process, and of course, with the steady slow pace or medium pace or perhaps a more accelerated pace, depending where, you, individually, are in either beginning or continuing your narcissistic abuse recovery journey.
I look forward to working with you, as the individual that you are, beginning with you wherever you are in a caring, accepting, non-judgmental way, and with validating support and true understanding in a safe, comforting and confidential process.
© A.J. Mahari – 1995-2018