A.J. Mahari is a Mental Health and Trauma Recovery Coach who specializes in working with people who have been in a relationship (any relationship type) with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder and/or Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The vast majority of people that get into significant other relationships with a person with BPD or NPD have codependency. A.J also specializes in helping people heal from both the adult (or family, friend) relationship and to heal their codependency through Family of Origin and Inner child healing.
A.J. has formal university education. A.J. Mahari uses a coaching methodology as someone with 32 expertise in Cluster B abuse and Codependency recovery.
A.J. has a very busy Coaching practice and takes an egalitarian humanistic approach in her work with clients. Her expertise is sought out by many who know A.J.’s history and value all that she brings to her information online and to her work with clients. The foundation of her experience is from a mix of university education, lived experience (healed and recovered) and 32 years of experience helping clients recover.
While A.J. Mahari does work with women my practice is and always has been, primarily,90% men. Through my work with thousands of male clients over 31 years, I have learned a tremendous amount about Men, from Men. I care greatly about what men are facing after Cluster B relationships and also generally in a culture of Gynocentrism. The lies of feminism have not only traumatized men but haven’t helped women either. Men of all ages, have told me, for years now, sadly, about the very painful nature of how many societal factors have left them feeling not seen, or heard, or valued, or connected or cared about and especially by women.
A.J. also is a Life Story Coach – a methodology that helps clients re-frame life narratives and rewire their brains. A.J. Mahari, specializes in helping Narcissistic Abuse Survivors whether the abuser was someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Anti-Social Personality Disorder or any co-morbid combination of Cluster B. A.J. Mahari also helps those with Codependency or Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) in recovery.
A.J. also helps people with personal growth and development and other everyday types of issues that people, from time to time benefit by talking about, setting goals, career, life, relationships and changes wanted and needed in people’s lives.
A.J. Mahari can help you heal and recover from Cluster B abuse and also process and heal family of origin wounds that are often at the heart of Codependency. A.J. helps her clients heal the wounded inner child and do the necessary self-integration of shadow work.
A.J. Mahari has 3 decades+ (32 years) of professional coaching experience in helping those with PTSD, CPTSD, codependency, inner child healing, unresolved childhood issues, the pain, the neurobiological effects – autoimmune diseases – of Narcissistic Abuse and/or Borderline Abuse to heal and change their lives.
Are you trying to Survive A BPD Relationship Breakup? A.J. is an expert at helping people with this multiple layered recovery journey from the relationship and from codependency – core childhood adverse experience to trauma in childhood, unmet childhood needs that unconsciously lead people in adulthood to replay out that unhealed woundedness so often getting into relationships with people with BPD or NPD.
A.J. Mahari was “raised” in an abusive Dysfunctional Narcissistic Family of Origin. Enduring Narcissistic Abuse from birth until the age of 27 when she went full no contact from her entire Family of Origin. After 15 years of successful therapy for her ow childhood trauma A.J. grew, healed, and changed and became a thriver.
A.J. Mahari brings a lot of formal education to her years of experience to helping others, but also her deep understanding of the trauma (no matter one’s age) that Cluster B people suffer in self-destructive ways themselves and bring to the lives of those that have loved them. As you can read below A.J. Mahari has had 3 significant other relationships with Cluster B people, and from that, she truly understands where you are coming from.
A.J. Mahari has had successful relationships over 30+ years of her life. Including a 10 year long relationship when she was still in therapy in the 1980’s into the early 1990’s. There is a Reddit “story” and “urban myth” written about A.J. Mahari that has no credibility whatsoever to A.J. Mahari’s relationship history. A.J. Mahari has not ever said at any point in 27 years of her online work that she was ever “celibate because a relationship would trigger her BPD”. That was just people talking as they will here and there and not anything reliable whatsoever. There are many who share their “opinions” about A.J. that don’t know her work, and certainly do not know her. Think for yourself, and take things with a grain of salt. It’s the internet after all.
A.J.’s Lived Experience In The Past – A deep and empathic understanding of what her clients are facing at the most painful moments of their journeys after Cluster B abuse that lead them to know they need a helping process to heal the pain and agony they are in. Cluster B relationship breakups are the most painful breakups and the trauma bonded nature of these relationships means a healing and recovery journey is crucial for each person’s recovery and to heal family of origin wounds.
A.J. Mahari, herself, was the child of 2 Cluster B parents both deceased now. (update Sept 2021) Her father was a Narcissist Psychopath (diagnosed) and her mother was a BPD/NPD (covert Narcissist diagnosis) also diagnosed by a psychiatrist. A.J. was the scapegoat in her family of origin enduring and surviving sexual abuse, physical abuse, verbal and emotional abuse and the gaslighting of two Narcissistic parents that were also Alcoholics. A.J. was treated successfully and recovered from BPD, sexual abuse, Narcissistic abuse, and more. A.J. was also extremely codependent and has also recovered from that which there is more known now about what Codependency really is vs what it was defined as several decades ago. People can process early childhood adverse experience or trauma to become independent and do not have to remain in the patterns of ingrained Codependency that has its roots in childhood.
A.J. Mahari is currently in a 2 year old relationship, as she talked about on her Youtube Channel for two years (April 20/22 is the second anniversary of her current and on-going relationship with a 35 years friendship that turned into more. Prior to her current relationship A.J. had a Partner from 2014-2018 who had BPD – subtype Discouraged or Quiet Borderline who committed suicide December 27th, 2018. A.J. has many 30 year plus long friendships with wonderful friends who consider her as she does them, family. A.J. has had 4 other relationship in her adult life that were healthy and in between has been self-sufficient, independent and happy too. A.J. very much enjoyed her single years between relationships and did not have a relationship breakup that wasn’t mutual and with closure. A.J. has walked in your shoes if you are trying to survive one of the most difficult relationship breakups there is – the rupture of a relationship with (especially) someone with untreated BPD.
A.J. also had a partner in 2004-2006 that was a Borderline/Narcissist and alcoholic. While that relationship was a relatively short one, around a year, A.J. says, “It took me two years to recover from that traumatic abuse – that trauma bond. This person was in a position of authority and groomed and abused me and it took me a while to understand what was happening to me personally. They can so easily fool us, especially that first one in an adult relationship. I was re-traumatized by being invisible. Her failure at every turn due to lack of empathy. Giving love only to be abused in return. Not having anything I ever did, gave, or offered be anywhere near good enough. To being actively gaslighted for most of a year, made to believe everything was my fault, full of self-doubt, toxic shame and toxic guilt. I had been groomed and it was her doing and not my fault. I felt so traumatized and hurt and yes these wounds would intersect with well-healed wounds from childhood and some not so well-healed. It was a very painful and difficult journey. It was fraught with her demands, petulant child-like behaviour and of course, (as I now am super clear about) her convincing me for a time that all she was doing to me was what I supposedly did to her. I ended the relationship. It was after this relationship, that, I, like so many abused by Narcissists (or other Cluster B’s or co-morbid ones) came face to face with my own issues of codependency, that despite having worked on those issues a lot previously, still needed more work and I had to rise to the challenge of that recovery work as well. The pain left me no other choice. That was a silver lining gift in an otherwise abusive nightmare. That, and that I learned to stop any and all reaction to the way she would set me up to fail me in empathy and punish me with that at the same time.”
A.J. Mahari, has long been (since 1990 upon a clinical assessment of her recovery) a THRIVER after of years of trauma throughout her childhood and despite it all she has been able to find a core resiliency that meant not having to go back to “ground zero” with being re-traumatized in that relationship in adulthood. Just as she did not stay stuck (after age 28) in the early childhood trauma she worked hard on in therapy starting at the age of 15 of her own free will against the “parents” demands that she not ever see a therapist. If you are a survivor of childhood Narcissistic and/or Borderline abuse, and have Codependency please know that you can heal and you can find way home to “self” inside and live the life that you so deserve in spite of and yet also because of who you will come to know as you open or continue to open to your healing journey.
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Each person needs to find their own voice, and not live by the programmed taken on inner critic voice of any Narcissistic abuser. It isn’t easy, it takes time, and the journey begins with the choice and conscious awareness that you want, need and deserve to be free of all of that pain and trauma.
My services are best described as Coaching, relating to my clients, as one who has been there, and who understands, with a background in formal education in Social Work, Psychology, Religious Studies, Sociology, Philosophy, and Applied Communications – Radio, Television and Journalism.
I do, however, prefer to work with clients in a very personable, egalitarian, way that is down to earth. I specialize in many types of processing and because I tailor them to each client, a specific process or an eclectic process approach, I discuss that with you if you want to contact me to ask more, or in beginning to work with you as a client. I join with my clients on their journey, to help as I can, educate in whatever way will help, as someone who is a kindred spirit and who knows first hand what you so need to have understood, learn more about, heal, and be validated and supported in that process. Every narcissist leaves all their victims (who become survivors) feeling “crazy” like it IS you and NOT them, that is not the truth. You may still believe that, however. please know, if you don’t yet, that being abused by any (or multiple) Narcissists (Psychopaths or Borderlines or some combination thereof) is not ever your fault. Narcissists and many with BPD actively gaslight their targeted victims to feel crazy and at fault. You are not crazy, and it most certainly is not your fault.
A.J. Mahari Specializes In:
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