Adult Child of BPD NPD
Were you a child and are you now an adult child of a parent with Borderline Personality or Narcissistic Personality or Co-morbidly both? Were you “assigned” the role of the scapegoat in your dysfunctional family system? Are you still in that role? Do you still try to please your BPD or NPD parent? Are you or have you been in a toxic abusive dysfunctional significant other relationship with someone with BPD or NPD or suspected BPD or NPD? This is an unconscious replaying out of your original core abandonment and/or attachment wound in childhood still causing you so much pain.
Do you realize that you may be suffering from Codependency and/or Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD)?
Whether you are still trying to have or fix a relationship with a BPD or NPD Mother or Father or you just don’t know what to do, are you aware you need massive relief and to break free from the pain of a lifetime so far?
Check back soon much more coming from A.J. Mahari, who herself, was a child and then adult child of a BPD/NPD Mother (Alcoholic) and a Malignant Narcissist, Psychopathic, Dark Triad extremely abusive Father. I have been where you may still be. I went no contact from my family of origin in 1990 before there was an internet that describes going “no contact” and so much more. I did the hard but rewarding work in therapy from the age of 15 to 30 to heal my childhood trauma, codependency, CPTSD and more. I was a scapegoat child and we are the strong ones. We are the ones who break free. I have been through the death of both Cluster B parents and all the Cluster B web of being punished by not being told for 8 months (after my father died) and almost 3 months after my mother died, that they had died. Watching the Golden Child and his adult kids inherit considerable wealth, while I was left a very small inheritance and the Narcissistic games of the Golden Child sibling who was the Executor of the Estate of then my mother as she died 24 1/2 years after the father. I have broken free from those childhood and early adulthood trauma bonds.
I have processed and healed the legacy of their scapegoating and abuse. BPD and NPD parents do not know how to love any child. We flounder, to varying degrees, with an often not well understand deep wound of an enmeshment that held within it no love, the future-faking promise of some-day being seen or heard, valued, or accepted. The emotional wounds of not being loved and yet seeking so hard, for so long, unsuccessfully to be valued, heard and seen and not just some parentified child or not good enough image of a BPD or NPD parent. I have gone through the grief, complicated, that can and does bring closure on many levels and then the upon each of my Cluster B parents’ deaths I found my own “final” closure.
Upon my BPD/NPD alcoholic mother’s death, I felt orphaned for minutes, cried, and then felt an amazing even deeper sense of FREEDOM! Mother wounds are the deepest. If you don’t do your healing work now and a BPD or NPD or BPD/NPD parent dies, they will still be controlling you from beyond through all the injunctions, unspoken family rules, the introjects that now manifest from inside of you as your internal critic has one or both parents “voices” and the scapegoat adult child of a BPD or NPD parent turns (unconsciously at first) all the negative devaluing criticism that has been internalized and is the seat of self-doubt, codependency, a wounded inner child, a separation from one’s self, that internally (from your unconscious) continues to validate excruciating negative core beliefs about your “self” that you have believed and/or fought hard to change with a BPD or NPD parent who never sees, hears, values, or loves you.
My mother and my father had died thousands of deaths to me in so many incredibly painful ways before they each would actually physically die.
I experienced this and not only lived through it, and the final grief of more closure after each of their deaths, but I have set myself free. That’s what I can help you to do for you, whether you are younger and your BPD or NPD mother or father are alive, or you are getting older as are parents that are still here. Your wounded inner child calls to you from deep inside to do the healing work necessary to fully heal abandonment and attachment wounds along with all that they had you believing negatively about yourself that has not ever been true.
I will have much more information coming here that I hope you will find helpful very soon.
I will have a new Podcast and Youtube Channel specifically for you as an adult child of a BPD or NPD parent or parents. I am working with many clients now, as I have been for 34 years to help them heal the kind of trauma from childhood that many live with consciously or unconsciously for years to decades of their adulthood. Want to break free from the trauma bond with a BPD or NPD parent and find yourself, your autonomy, your individuality your authenticity and not feel you have to people please, rescue, try to fix, put up with a BPD or NPD parent? Do you ant to find you way to truly heal so that you get that toxic family system and “assigned” role out of you?
I hope I can help you learn much more about how to do that in upcoming content.
Please check back soon!
© A.J. Mahari, December 5, 2023 – all rights reserved.