Borderline Diary – My Borderline Years – My Borderline Father’s Raging Abuse – Most years I was so protected at Christmas. I had learned my lessons well. Our family was well off enough and toys and/or gifts were always aplenty. But what came with those gifts and presents wasn’t quite the opposite of the spirit of the season – quite the opposite of love. It was enmeshed abandoning betrayal served up as “love” – “love” borderline style.
A.J., I have been so blessed by what I’ve read on your websites. Recently I had to leave a destructive BP relationship – leaving the state in which we lived – I wrote a letter just before leaving to his lovely family who was also aware of the condition. Basically, I broke up with him right after in a “hoover” maneuver he finally researched BPD and accepted it (or so I thought but more abuse and insanity followed)
I was married to a woman with Borderline Personality Disorder. I hope my experience will help some other non-borderline to get out early while the damage can be contained. My experience goes back to Norwood, MA in the spring of 1998 and ends with a divorce decree in Trenton, NJ from my complaint filed under N.J.S.A. 2A:34-2(c); grounds of “Extreme Cruelty.”
How can we as parents cope with our Borderline children or adult-children? Somehow, BPD has robbed these children of reality on all levels. I don’t think our BPD kids realize how far out there they really are. It’s as if they truly believe normal people live the way they do. Our parental examples do not seem to make any impact or bear relevance to their lifestyle.
This is the journey of a man who is the father of two daughters. One, his oldest, had Borderline Personality Disorder. His youngest daughter does not.
The black hole of BPD affects both borderlines and non-borderlines. It is painful and real on both sides of Borderline Personality Disorder. The shame of abandonment is an enduring self-destructive schema for those with BPD. It is a pattern of toxic relating and relationship rupture.
It is in and through the dynamic of toxic unhealthy relating and relationships that The Personality Disordered and The Non Personality Disordered Interconnect and Suffer
Toxic relationships seem to be pervasive to the point where healthy relationships are in the minority. Toxic relationships are proliferating and have been doing so for the better part of the last few decades.
Toxic relationships are the coming together of adults, who carry wounded children deep inside of them, and who were raised in dysfunctional families that by their very nature are also toxic.
Toxic relationships are battle-grounds mistaken for what is thought of as “love” in which the personality-disordered and the non-personality disordered come together, intersect, interconnect and increase each other’s pain and suffering no matter how hard they try to make things work. (sometimes both parties in a toxic relationship are in fact personality-disordered)