For anyone who is a family member, relationship or ex-relationship partner of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (often referred to as non borderlines) there is a central painful paradox that is a common experience.
The black hole of BPD affects both borderlines and non-borderlines. It is painful and real on both sides of Borderline Personality Disorder. The shame of abandonment is an enduring self-destructive schema for those with BPD. It is a pattern of toxic relating and relationship rupture.