People with Borderline Personality Disorder lack emotional skin. Does this preclude the balanced concept of tough love for loved ones? Whose responsibility is this lack of emotional skin? Do loved ones of those with BPD have to bend over backwards, accomodate inappropriate behaviour that doesn't respect boundaries, and walk on eggshells?
Why do borderlines lack emotional skin? Essentially because there is no container, no intact known authentic self from which to have it. What does this mean for you? If the borderline in your life lacks emotional skin, is very sensitive, needs to be validated, is this your responsibility?
What do you think it means if you are the one taking responsibility for your borderline loved one's lack of emotional skin, sensitivity, need for validation and so forth? Does this mean you are an enabler? If you are in rescuer mode and enabling what follows is enmeshment and loss, to one degree or another, of yourself.
Enabling a borderline does not help the borderline. All of your sacrifice, over-investing, care-taking, walking on eggshells, trying to avoid conflict or perhaps coax some communication out of the borderline in your life will not help him or her and will not help you.
Is it all about tough love versus validation and support? Is it really that black and white?
- 3 Non Borderline Ebooks
- 6 Non Borderline Ebooks
- 3 Core Wound of Abandonment in BPD Series of Ebooks
- Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder The Lost Self The Impact of The Core Wound of Abandonment Ebook 1
- Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder The Rock and a Hard Place in BPD The Impact of The Core Wound of Abandonment Ebook 2
You can purchase the full 2 hour talk A.J. gave to an audience of Loved ones of those with BPD by going to phoenixrisingpublications.ca where the video is available in two parts.
A.J. Mahari is a Life Coach who, among other things, specializes in working with those with BPD and non borderlines. A.J. has 5 years experience as a Life Coach and has worked and continues to work with hundreds of clients from all over the world.