People diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), for many varying reasons, relate in many codependent ways. Their loved ones are often drawn into the toxic relating of enabling and enmeshment. Loved ones of those with BPD need to be aware of the ways that they can learn to disengage the codependent ways that those with BPD relate to them.
People with Borderline Personality Disorder do not know who they are. They live through a false self that is the result of the loss of authentic self that is a central reality in BPD due to the abandoned pain that results from the core wound of abandonment in BPD
The Rock and a Hard Place of and in Borderline Personality Disorder manifests itself in any and all attempts to relate by those with BPD. This on-going impace of the core wound of abandonment leaves the loved ones of those with BPD often losing themselves in efforts to relate to, help, rescue, and/or understand the person in their lives with BPD.
Loved Ones of those with BPD will benefit from Breaking Free of The Borderline Maze – Recovery For Non Borderlines and gaining more insight and awareness about what happens to love in relationship with those with BPD so that they can learn to face the facts of BPD that reveal just what really does go on inside the minds of people with BPD .
The more loved ones cans learn and education themselves about BPD the more they can find the tools and coping skills that will mean the difference between rescuing, enabling codependence and taking care of themselves so that if supporting the person with BPD in their lives is desired, it can be more possible to do that within the limits of healthier boundaries.
Codependence is the very painful intersection where those with BPD and Loved Ones often meet and effect each other in ways that support toxic relating and not healthy relating.
- Stand up and speak assertively when threatened.
- Say “No”, state firm boundaries and where you draw your line, implement, and hold the boudaries when they are challenged and be consistent.
- Have an announced plan that you will leave the situation if and when your boundaries are not respected – and then be sure to consistently to that.
- Shield yourself against the negative energy of name-calling, ridicule, and any and all other forms of abuse by setting a zero tolerance policy and by enforcing it.
- To use techniques of self-soothing when you are upset and to take space from the borderline.
- To identify and name feelings and use ‘I’ statements when appropriate
- To express your feelings appropriately when threatened but refrain from doing so when it’s not safe.
- Ensure that you do not let the borderline invalidate or discount your feelings.
- Express your anger in safe and productive ways during calmer times with the borderline to increase the chances that you wiull be heard and to ensure you keep a healthy self esteem.
© A.J. Mahari, May 7, 2009 – All rights reserved.
A.J. Mahari is Mental Health & Life Coach who works with those with BPD and Loved Ones, Adult Children, Family Members, Ex or current relationship partners of those with BPD. A.J. Mahari can help you to identify goals that can help you to create change in how you relate in ways that may be defined as codependent. Codependent relating is very painful for those with BPD and their family members or loved ones. She has over 20 years of experience.