The Borderline Apology can be felt but for many with BPD it won’t change their behavior or have consistent meaning. People with BPD can mean they are sorry but often apologize to “make things okay” and resent it later feeling that they apologized for what they perceive you did, or that you “made them” apologize.
A hoover can also be a type of Borderline “apology.” Many with BPD apologize while hoovering you because they want you back. Push-pull is what that is. If you go back after a hoover and the borderline apology, without treatment, the borderline will devalue and hurt you all over again. The rinse and repeat cycle!
When people without enough treatment (with BPD) apologize it doesn’t mean anything changes and often they apologize in ways that they don’t realize blame you for what they did and they do not take in or hear (often) what you feel or how and why you want them to take the kind of personal responsibility and accountability that considers also how you have been hurt, or affected. Untreated borderlines don’t understand that part of apology at all. When a borderline hoovers it is also another form of inconsistent manipulative “apology” by many with borderline personality.
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