Many loved ones of those with Borderline Personality Disorder need to unhook from what has become a toxic relational dynamic. A relational dynamic and experience that threatens non borderlines with a loss of self that often leads them not only to be stressed out but also to become more reactionary and in some ways mirror the behaviour of the person in their lives with BPD.
Tough love can be very effective for those with loved ones with Borderline Personality Disorder. It is important to approach tough love in a way that is not polarized or absolute. In part two of her video podcast on the subject of tough love for loved ones of those with Borderline Personality Disorder, author, speaker, life coach and strategist, A.J. Mahari, speaking to a group of Loved Ones of those with BPD, talks about the value of tough love and how it was tough love that was at the center of her own recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder 14 years ago.
People with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) often are not consciously aware of it but they want to be rescued and they want you – the family member, the loved one, the relationship partner – the non borderline – to rescue them.
The difference between enabling and helping someone is often one that is blurred in Borderline Personality Disorder. It is blurred by both those diagnosed with BPD and family members, loved ones, relationship partners (ex’s) – non borderlines of those who have BPD.
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), regardless of what is thought to cause it, manifests as a relational disorder. Those with BPD often have unrealistic expectations. This disorder of relating is largely driven by distorted thoughts and unrealistic expectations.