In those with Borderline Personality (BPD) due to a lack of known self there is no emotional reference for self vs other in interpersonal relating due to the early childhood arrested development caused by no bonding, insecure bonding, abandonment trauma (actual or perceived) or affect synchrony. (Alan M. Shore) When mother and child just don’t connect in the mirroring phase of early childhood development – not always a mother’s fault. There may be abuse and/or other very early trauma in many cases as well.
The arrested emotional development and lack of self that are two of the hallmarks of what BPD really is and means in an experiential way leaves them without any here and now emotional reference for where they begin and end and where “other” is separate from them and begin and end.
People with BPD (before any therapy) are emotionally stuck in the arrested developed young 2 year old who (at that age it’s normal) has only an emotional idea about “self”. At that age, there is no emotional or even cognitive understanding of “other”. People with BPD manifest this in relationships and when triggered because it is still a part of the core wound of abandonment.
© A.J. Mahari, July 14, 2016 – All rights reserved.