Borderline Personality Disorder is manifested largely through the defense mechanism of splitting. Splitting is vacillating between the extremes of idealization and devaluation. What results from the negative half of splitting – devaluation is projection and lack of trust. A.J. Mahari, author, speaker, mental health and life coach, in a video, talks about how the negative thinking experienced in the devaluing half of borderline splitting obliterates idealization and produces a marked shift in the mood and behaviour of the borderline.
Author, speaker, mental health and life coach, A.J. Mahari, herself a woman who recovered from Borderline Personality Disorder 14 years ago has many edited, up-dated, and new videos on various aspects and facets of Borderline Personality Disorder for those with BPD and for family members, loved ones, ex or relationship partners of those with BPD – non borderlines.
People with Borderline Personality Disorder lack emotional skin. Does this preclude the balanced concept of tough love for loved ones? Whose responsibility is this lack of emotional skin? Do loved ones of those with BPD have to bend over backwards, accomodate inappropriate behaviour that doesn’t respect boundaries, and walk on eggshells?
In her latest video, A.J. Mahari talks about the reality that those who have (or had) a borderline mother, or father, or as in her case, both, and are an adult-child of a borderline need to engage their own recovery process.
A.J. Mahari was interviewed on the subject of living with Borderline Personality Disorder on the Survivor Cafe Radio Show on blogtalkradio.com
In the audio program, “Coping With Difficult Toxic and/or Abusive People” A.J. Mahari talks about the reality of coping with difficult, toxic and/or abusive people generally with a focus on the reality that holidays bring out the worst of the worst in toxic relating.
Understanding the impact of the core wound of abandonment and its role in the lost self of those with Borderline Personality Disorder, whether you have BPD or love or care about someone who does, is very important to coping with Borderline Personality Disorder.
So many people with a loved one, family member, or ex or relationship partner with Borderline Personality Disorder get stuck in what is really an illusion that they can rescue the borderline from Borderline Personality Disorder.
As an adult-child of a parent (or in my case parents) with Borderline Personality Disorder the love that is so scarce is toxic and the relationship is enmeshed as the child exists to serve the endless emotional needs of the borderline.
Borderline Diary – My Borderline Years – My Borderline Father’s Raging Abuse – Most years I was so protected at Christmas. I had learned my lessons well. Our family was well off enough and toys and/or gifts were always aplenty. But what came with those gifts and presents wasn’t quite the opposite of the spirit of the season – quite the opposite of love. It was enmeshed abandoning betrayal served up as “love” – “love” borderline style.
The difference between enabling and helping someone is often one that is blurred in Borderline Personality Disorder. It is blurred by both those diagnosed with BPD and family members, loved ones, relationship partners (ex’s) – non borderlines of those who have BPD.
For anyone who is a family member, relationship or ex-relationship partner of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (often referred to as non borderlines) there is a central painful paradox that is a common experience.
“I hate you, don’t leave me” is a borderline mantra. It is a theme driven by a lack of known true self and primitive fear and anxiety generated by profound intrapsychic wounds in early developmental years by those later diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).
It is in and through the dynamic of toxic unhealthy relating and relationships that The Personality Disordered and The Non Personality Disordered Interconnect and Suffer
Toxic relationships seem to be pervasive to the point where healthy relationships are in the minority. Toxic relationships are proliferating and have been doing so for the better part of the last few decades.
Toxic relationships are the coming together of adults, who carry wounded children deep inside of them, and who were raised in dysfunctional families that by their very nature are also toxic.
Toxic relationships are battle-grounds mistaken for what is thought of as “love” in which the personality-disordered and the non-personality disordered come together, intersect, interconnect and increase each other’s pain and suffering no matter how hard they try to make things work. (sometimes both parties in a toxic relationship are in fact personality-disordered)