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A major defense mechanism for those who have Borderline Personality Disorder is that of splitting. Non borderlines cannot rescue borderlines. Splitting is one of the central realities in relationship to someone with BPD that hooks, traps, hurts and devastates non borderlines often seeing them try harder and harder to rescue the person with BPD in their lives. A non borderline cannot rescue a borderline.

People with Borderline Personality Disorder alternate, often suddenly, unexpectedly, and without any warning, between the polar opposites of idealization and devaluation. Borderlines experience others, and even themselves, in this all-or-nothing, black-and-white split. Borderlines are not able to hold the good and the bad about someone or something at once – at the same time.

Audio Programs © A.J. Mahari


I have done a 4 part Video called, Borderline Splitting & Non Borderlines Inability to Rescue that you can watch on YouTube  

This creates an endless cycle of idealization followed by devaluation – followed again by idealization when the borderline's abandonment fears and neediness kicks back in after his or her anger, feelings of invalidation, abandonment, and so forth.

It is the cycle of splitting in the borderline that is often pulls out very compulsive and compelling efforts at rescue by those who love or care about them. It is this cycle of idealization and devaluation that is followed by the "honeymoon phase" of idealization again that draws the non borderline back into emotional territory that he or she often well knows he or she cannot tolerate any longer.

The borderline cycle of splitting is crazy-making for those on the other side of BPD. It is one of the most painful parts of the life of most non borderlines, at one point or other in the journey of knowing someone, or loving someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder.

Non borderlines need to learn how to radically accept that they are powerless to effect the change in the borderline, the life of the borderline, and their own life with the borderline that they so desire to see happen.

The paradox of the power of powerlessness is a place from which a non borderline can truly begin to radically accept his or her own pain in a way that paves the way for one to get in touch with what one needs to learn and to find his or her way to letting go of trying to rescue the person with Borderline Personality Disorder in his or her life.

I have done a 4 part Video called, Borderline Splitting & Non Borderlines Inability to Rescue that you can watch on YouTube  

© A.J. Mahari, August 20, 2008 – All rights reserved.

A.J. Mahari is a Life Coach who, among other things, specializes in working with non borderlines. A.J. has 5 years experience as a life coach and has worked with hundreds of clients from all over the world.

Borderline Splitting & Non Borderlines Inability to Rescue