The second way, all-too-often that a quiet borderline ruptures a relationship is by way of committing suicide.
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My question would be where do they go? Physically, mentally? Aside from extreme behaviour. Loud BPDs seem to seek a new partner or parental figure and at least over time their actions, projected blame, push pull etc can be recognized and understood. I’ve always thought C-PTSD and PTSD analysis should include an invisible response and a hide response, including flight/hide(isolation) so I am wondering if that is the case here. Although abandonning could be analyzed as differing from hidden, i.e hiding from a peripheral of danger but knowing it is there and staying on the outside isn’t quite the same as disappearing completely.
C Forest – Often people don’t know where they physically go. Psychologically, emotionally, and mentally they go back to past adverse childhood experiences re-lived dissociatively in the here-and-now. The introject of wounding parent(s) via the internal critic does to them over and over again what a wounding parent or parents did to them.
I think that PTSD & CPTSD do include, as does BPD in the quiet Borderline, a freeze/flight response that fuels the isolation of internalization. Abandoning self, not known, whether an externalizing or internalizing Borderline, is the repetition compulsion pattern of mounted maladaptive narcissistic defence against what is first, the inner split of ego fragmentation in BPD – arrested emotional development and constant “hiding from” danger – danger that is re-experienced from the past, in the here and now.
You posited that, “knowing it is there and staying on the outside isn’t quite the same as disappearing completely” Many with BPD project out this danger that is and isn’t “known”. (Whether or not they act it out externally or not) Their cognitively distorted perception within dissociation and depersonalization/derealization in a way does mean the split off part of self that psychologically experienced a death of self has, in a way, disappeared completely. (Klein) The good news is that the split off dissociated from part of self can be reunited with in therapy.
To achieve this in therapy requires the internalizing of pain and that psychological death of self experience to be re-lived in a reparative process that is the integration of the original internal dissociative split. An extremely difficult and painful process but one that is incredibly rewarding and that does result in full recovery. A full recovery I personally know first hand. Recovery that is best found in and from Psychodynamic therapy.