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Borderline Personality Disorder and the borderline and non borderline quest to understand more about Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) along with both sides needing to be understood. Borderlines and non borderlines, emotionally and relationally, live in parallel universes. Trying to achieve a collective and lasting connected understanding is, more often than not, very challenging at best.

Those who have BPD often believe they are very misunderstood. Loved ones, family members, ex or relationship partners of those with BPD continue to search for as much understanding about BPD as they can but how much, if at all, are they understood by the person with BPD in their lives?

For those with Borderline Personality Disorder and their loved ones – non borderlines – understanding BPD and each needing to be understood by the other is central to the many misunderstandings that generate painful emotional chaos. Both the “borderline” and the “non borderline” need not only to understand BPD but also to be understood by each other in ways that can build up healthier relating instead of tearing down connection and communication needed to have and maintain reasonably healthy relationships.


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It is important for those with BPD to understand that they do not have the same frame of reference emotionally, in the here-and-now, when triggered or stressed or upset as non borderlines do. It can be very difficult for those with BPD to be given feedback about their behaviour and to understand what the experience of them is to other people. Just as non borderlines cannot really understand what is going on inside the mind of someone with BPD.

&copy A.J. Mahari, June 7, 2009 – All rights reserved.

Borderline Personality Disorder – Understanding versus Being Understood