So many people were not ever taught how to truly like, let alone love themselves in childhood. What we learn growing up matters more than most would like to know or face and work to resolve.
Before you can start loving yourself the way you so deserved to be loved, it is first important to be honest with yourself by asking the question, “Do I like myself?” Many people internalize a negative critic, either from childhood (a parent) and/or a critical to manipulating and toxic abusive partner in adulthood.
Are you the “voice” that knows your worth or is that internalized critic “voice” meaning you continue to experience being hard on yourself. Are you critical of yourself? Do you have a negative and/or angry inner dialogue when things don’t go your way or when you make a mistake or simply can’t find something in your home?
After you assess where you are coming from here are 3 main ways to take action mindfully to change that internal critical to self-loathing narrative to a new positive-based journey to loving yourself.
Three Key Ways to Start Loving Yourself The Way You Truly Deserve To be Loved:
1) Radical Acceptance of Self – Be with what is in your life. Be with how you may have been inclined or learned in childhood and beyond to ignore, sacrifice, or not like yourself. Allow space for how you feel about yourself or you choices, mistakes or life right now and re-frame that so that you can stop judging it “good” or “bad”. Be mindful that just being with what is in your life is going be you (most people) being a lot kinder to self than has been the case.
2) Identify and Let Go of Self-Limiting (Negative Core) Beliefs – Be with yourself in a way that you would extend to someone else in your situation or feeling as you feel. Make a list of “negative self-talk” that you often use day in and day out. Write each statement down on one side of the screen or a piece of paper. On the other side, write down what likely old, negative core beliefs (that might have been subconscious) form the basis of this critical negative “self-talk”. Thirdly, then, on a separate piece of paper or a different document on your computer, write out a list of statements that you could replace the negative self-talk narrative with. Then, start to be mindful of this each day and when you find yourself in that negative self-talk, take the loving kind action of re-framing that self-limiting negative core belief driven critical self-talk using the statements you have listed to replace the old ones. Practice inserting them into your thoughts or self-talk mindfully and you will be in the loving action of changing your limiting (subconscious) negative core beliefs and/or inner critic narrative to a self-loving one. This takes time, and practice, but, you will if you pay attention start to catch yourself and want to not continue to feed past negative self talk and core beliefs. They are not really yours.
3) Practice Mindfulness – Be mindfully aware of what is going on inside of you. What and how you are thinking and the connection to how that leaves you feeling as a result. Loving yourself begins with liking yourself. You can start liking yourself by realizing and becoming aware that much of that critical self-talk was what you heard growing up, maybe even since, but for many, now, is not heard from others as much as it is coming from a part of yourself that hasn’t consciously been aware of an internalized inner critic narrative that isn’t even yours. Start loving yourself today in the action of mindfulness and respecting yourself. Knowing that if you need to make new choices, different choices, in your life, that you can and you will. Believe in yourself. Stop believing in the automatic negative and critical ways that you have been treating yourself.
Everything you do, say, or don’t do, matters. Listen to the intention of heart and do not judge “good” or “bad” what you want to change. Start by liking, esteeming, and learning to love yourself. This will lead you to much more clarity about changes that you may need to make in your life. To boundaries that you may need but haven’t ever had. To identifying your needs in a much more self-loving way knowing you deserve what you need and not allowing anyone else to be more important than you, yourself are, at knowing who you are, what you need, what you value, what you know you can’t keep settling for or sacrificing yourself for.
Start to love yourself the way you have always deserved to be loved. Start now. Or continue on this path to loving yourself if you aren’t there yet. Awaken to the wondrous person that you truly are. Know yourself enough now, to know that you cannot sacrifice yourself for anyone else anymore.
It is only from a place inside, of self love, that each person can truly love another.
Give yourself some alone time to explore and seek out more conscious self-compassion, self-acceptance and self-validation. The more that you can self-validate and not need someone else to define or reassure you the more you can find that rich inner landscape of healthy self-love. You so deserve this. You are worthy of this!
© A.J. Mahari, March 25, 2019 – All rights reserved.