Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) has at its center abandonment. Those diagnosed with BPD have a tremendous and often all-consuming fear of abandonment. They feel or perceive the threat of abandonment in many everyday relational situations. Along with this intense fear of abandonment people with BPD have an equal and intense inability to effectively cope emotionally with this fear of abandonment in ways that would be healthier for relationships.
People diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder do not have a sense of a known self or a stable sense of identity. In both audio and video, Author and Mental Health Coach and Life Coach, A.J. Mahari, talks about the lost self in BPD and the need and search for the lost self and for identity. Mahari talks about what it means, what it feels like to not know who you are and how that can effect your life and keep those with BPD stuck in the suffering and victimization of past abandonment trauma.
Author, life coach and strategist, A.J. Mahari talks about what she calls the core wound of abandonment and its impact on the patterned negativity those with BPD live in and through in a video recorded in July 2007,
Adult children of those diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder often struggle with many aspects of the relationship (or lack thereof) with the parent that has BPD. Responses of adult-children with a parent with Borderline Personality Disorder to questions from A.J. Mahari about ending the relationship with the borderline parent.
Abandonment trauma, regardless of the cause or causes of Borderline Personality Disorder is the most central issue that borderlines grapple with, sometimes on a daily basis.
Abandonment in relationships with adults with Borderline Personality Disorder – are borderlines abandoned or do they abandon others?
It is the core wound of abandonment in those who have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) that is the source of insecure or non-existent attachment that leads to the toxic and unhealthy ruptured relationships that have at their centre emotional enmeshment and an insatiable need for love. These broken relationships, often rupture under the weight of the child-like behaviour and needs of the borderline still searching for the much-needed unconditional acceptance, validation and love of a parent as the result of unmet early childhood developmental needs.
For those with Borderline Personality Disorder the reality is that One More Abandonment In Borderline Personality Will Lead to the Road to Recovery. That abandonment is the borderline’s active choice to abandon his or her previously abandoned pain, to face and welcome in that pain, to tolerate its distress, to regulate the emotions connected to the pain, to grieve the pain, and to eventually let the pain go.
Abandonment has often been thought of by many to be of a physical nature – as in desertion and neglect or primarily of an emotional nature – as in when a child is not nurtured or given the necessary attention and healthy love to feel safe and secure.
Both of these situations or realities do constitute forms of abandonment. There are other types of abandonment that are often significant in the lives of those who end up diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.
If one has experienced the most prolific and painful wound of all, the core wound of abandonment without any balance for that experience, any subsequent loss and/or abandonment in life can turn your life upside down. Each and every loss or abandonment is experienced as it happens with the added pain of layers and layers of repressed pain and unresolved grief.