Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) has at its center abandonment. Those diagnosed with BPD have a tremendous and often all-consuming fear of abandonment. They feel or perceive the threat of abandonment in many everyday relational situations. Along with this intense fear of abandonment people with BPD have an equal and intense inability to effectively cope emotionally with this fear of abandonment in ways that would be healthier for relationships.
Borderline Personality Disorder, while a very formidable and serious mental illness, does not have to be a life sentence. It does not have to mean you will always be the way that you are right now or that you will always be unhappy and/or in pain. You do not have to always be where you are right now. Recovery from BPD is possible.
Borderline Personality Disorder has at its centre tremendous pain that is protected against through many defense mechanisms that manifest themselves through anger and rage. Author, speaker, and life coach, A.J. Mahari, talks about the main reasons for the anger and rage in and of BPD.
At the heart of the process of recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder is the need to find one’s lost self – an authentic self that has been lost to the core wound of abandonment in BPD. BPD recovery requires first asking the question, Who am I? Secondly, it requires finding the answer to that question.
Author, life coach and strategist, A.J. Mahari, responds to a question about Kundalini yoga and BPD in her BPD Message Forum on her website. Is there an application for Kundalini yoga and meditation that can be helpful to those with Borderline Personality Disorder?
As one who has been there and made it back, A.J. Mahari, examines the struggle for identity, to find the lost authentic self, to know who one really is that those with Borderline Personality Disorder face. What does it entail? What has caused it? Can it be addressed and changed?
Those with Borderline Personality Disorder have to contend with a deep and profoundly pervasive pain that they often aren’t even consciously aware of. This pain, at the heart of BPD, is the pain of abandonment.
Borderline Personality Disorder is the absence of an actual personality. For those diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, it is not who you are. You can make a choice to find out who you really are in and through making a choice to recover. I talk about the choice that I made to recover from Borderline Personality Disorder and how and why I made that choice.
For those who have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) the surrender of Radical Acceptance can mean the difference between getting on the road to recovery or remaining stuck in the active and very painful throes of BPD.
I think there is a tremendous need for those diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder to re-think BPD. I think also that those who are family members, friends, relationship or ex-relationship partners – non borderlines – also need to re-think BPD.
It is the acceptance of the paradoxical irony of the core wound of abandonment coupled with the the abandoned pain of BPD that is the very nature of the reality of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) that is at both its cause and at its epicenter of recovery.
Those who are diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder get separated from the essence and conscious awareness of this precious part of “self” – the inner child – just as they are separated psychologically and emotionally from the lost authentic self.
The journey from the active throes of Borderline Personality Disorder to getting on and staying on the road to recovery is one that must include integrating one’s inner child and his or her feelings into your conscious awareness in the here and now.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is part of a wider continuum of narcissism not the sum total of it all. NPD is not the sole domain of narcissism. Narcissism, to varying degrees, is also a part of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Narcissism is a primitive defense mechanism common to both personality disorders though not manifested exactly the same and not serving the exact same purpose always. Narcissism in BPD is not as extreme as it is in NPD. However, that distinction made there are many people who are diagnosed with both personality disorders. Both NPD and BPD can co-exist within an individual.
For those diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder the idea of recovery is often a mystery. Many with BPD don’t believe that they can recover. I am someone who has recovered and I am here to share that it is possible and the steps that one can take to truly prepare for finding the way out of BPD.
Abandonment has often been thought of by many to be of a physical nature – as in desertion and neglect or primarily of an emotional nature – as in when a child is not nurtured or given the necessary attention and healthy love to feel safe and secure.
Both of these situations or realities do constitute forms of abandonment. There are other types of abandonment that are often significant in the lives of those who end up diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.
If one has experienced the most prolific and painful wound of all, the core wound of abandonment without any balance for that experience, any subsequent loss and/or abandonment in life can turn your life upside down. Each and every loss or abandonment is experienced as it happens with the added pain of layers and layers of repressed pain and unresolved grief.