A.J., I have been so blessed by what I’ve read on your websites. Recently I had to leave a destructive BP relationship – leaving the state in which we lived – I wrote a letter just before leaving to his lovely family who was also aware of the condition. Basically, I broke up with him right after in a “hoover” maneuver he finally researched BPD and accepted it (or so I thought but more abuse and insanity followed)
The Experience of a former Husband of a Borderline Wife
I was married to a woman with Borderline Personality Disorder. I hope my experience will help some other non-borderline to get out early while the damage can be contained. My experience goes back to Norwood, MA in the spring of 1998 and ends with a divorce decree in Trenton, NJ from my complaint filed under N.J.S.A. 2A:34-2(c); grounds of “Extreme Cruelty.”
Coping with the Borderline Behaviour of Our Children
How can we as parents cope with our Borderline children or adult-children? Somehow, BPD has robbed these children of reality on all levels. I don’t think our BPD kids realize how far out there they really are. It’s as if they truly believe normal people live the way they do. Our parental examples do not seem to make any impact or bear relevance to their lifestyle.
Ending a Relationship with a Borderline – Contact or No Contact? The Illusion of Kindness.
What is best for you to do if you are in a relationship with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and you are coming to the conclusion the relationship isn’t working? What do you do if you want to end the relationship? Do you need to institute no contact or is there another way? What is kind and what isn’t kind in this circumstance often experienced as a dilemma for relationship partner of someone with BPD – the non borderline?
Family Members Understanding Self Harm in Borderline Personality Disorder – Is it always physical?
Many family members, relationship partners (ex-partners) – non borderlines – of those with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) think of borderline self-injury or self-harm as being limited to the physical generally and to cutting primarily. Is borderline self-harm limited “self” destructive acts of a physical nature only? The answer is no – not at all.
Family Members Relationship Partners (Ex’s) – The Painful Paradox on the Other Side of Borderline Personality
For anyone who is a family member, relationship or ex-relationship partner of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (often referred to as non borderlines) there is a central painful paradox that is a common experience.
BPD Family
Some people have BPD in the family whereas I came from a family of BPD. Children do learn what they live. The effects of Borderline Personality Disorder on family members is far-reaching and profound.
The Traps and Hooks of Unwinding the Mystery that is the Process of Letting Go – Non Borderlines
For those who are the family member, relationship partner or (ex-partner) of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) – non borderlines – there are countless traps and hooks in the need and even the want of letting go of a relationship (chosen or unchosen) with someone with BPD. A.J. Mahari explains in her audio program series Inside the Borderline Mind many of the puzzle pieces of the enigma that so many non borderlines find make letting go of a relationship with a borderline much more difficult than other relationship break-ups.
Inside The Borderline Mind – Insight For Non Borderlines
Inside the borderline mind there is a very profound split, fragmentation, and in some cases a shattering of the ego due to the narcissistic intrapsychic injury sustained at a very young age as the result of abandonment (actual and/or perceived) that arrests emotional development.
What does every family member, friend, relationship partner, or ex-relationship partner (non borderline) need to know about what goes on inside the borderline mind? Why does understanding the workings of the borderline mind matter to those who are non borderline?
Non Borderlines Trying to Understand Borderline Magical Thinking
What is Magical Thinking In BPD?
Magical thinking is essentially adhering to the (distorted) belief that thoughts can cause events. When someone with BPD is magically thinking and thoughts seem to cause events what is also often a part of this experience for the borderline is that what they feel becomes a fact to him or her in what is a distorted sense of “reality”.
Is Borderline Self Harm Just Attention-Seeking? – Nons
Many family members, loved ones, or relationship partners of those with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) (non borderlines) often think and believe that the borderline in their lives is just seeking attention when they engage in self harm or self-harming behaviour.
Why Do Borderlines Often Discuss Their Troubled Pasts Repeatedly?
Those with Borderline Personality Disorder – especially if they aren’t getting treatment – not only often discuss their troubled pasts but they are re-living them more often than not. Troubled aspects of the borderline’s past are triggered in many ways but most commonly and most often through attempts to relate to others. This is the primary basis of so much of the behaviour (and often abuse) that family members or relationships partners of those with BPD (non borderlines) see and often have imposed upon them.
Breaking Free of The Borderline Personality Maze – Recovery For Non Borderlines
Family members, loved ones, relationship partners or ex-partners of those who have Borderline Personality Disorder can break free from the borderline maze of chaotic and toxic relating. Non borderlines need to find their own recovery.
Is Your Borderline Loved One Serious About Therapy? – Nons
What Every Family Member and Loved One with Someone With BPD in Their Lives Needs to Know It is important for any family member or relationship partner of borderline to be able to evaluate how their loved one with borderline personality disorder (BPD) is progressing in terms of recovery, if in fact they are in therapy. It is equally as important for the family member or relationship partner of the person with BPD to understand that if the borderline in his or her life isn’t in therapy and continues to choose to not face their issues there is absolutely no way to effect change in that person. This is, for many, in and of itself, a crucial thing to radically accept and often is a pivotal choice point as well. Some with BPD will not ever acknowledge that they have problems, let alone a personality disorder.
Facing the Facts On The Other Side of Borderline Personality Disorder – Nons
Facing the Facts of Borderline Personality Disorder – On The Other Side of BPD – For Loved Ones and Family Members of those With BPD Audio Program by A.J. Mahari examines 10 Central Key Facts about Borderline Personality Disorder that every “non borderline” will benefit from a greater understanding about.
Relationships: The Borderline Dance of I-Hate-You-Don’t-Leave-Me
“I hate you, don’t leave me” is a borderline mantra. It is a theme driven by a lack of known true self and primitive fear and anxiety generated by profound intrapsychic wounds in early developmental years by those later diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). This dance or dynamic of pathological regressed relating on the part of those with BPD is the root cause of so much pain for those with BPD and those who love and care about them in relationships. It is a central causative reality as to why so many relationships fail.
Can a Non-Borderline help or Rescue a Borderline?
Can a non borderline help a borderline? Can a nonbp rescue a borderline? From my experience as both someone who had BPD and as a non borderline in a relationship with someone who had BPD (after my recovery) my answer is – NO. Those diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder must take responsibility for their own lives, personality disorder, abandonment wounds, abandonment fears, abandonment depression, and more to the point, they must take responsibility for their actions, words, and their own recovery.
