Most people when they realize they are in a toxic relationship, at some point or other, come to the conclusion they have made a mistake. A mistake that is likely a series of mistakes in reality.
This is a crucial fork in the road of your understanding actually. This point of painful realization is a blessing. It won’t feel like a blessing at first, that’s for sure. But, in time, as you seek to make the changes that you will discover it will benefit you to make, it will be your very mistakes that will teach you what it is that you need to to change.
Toxic relating can be referred to, or defined, as many things. But one thing that is central to all toxic relating is the wounded brokenness of the human condition. This coupled with unmet needs and unrealistic expectations and untreated personality disorders (in one or both people in these relationships) is a large part of the foundation for why people get into toxic relating. You get hooked in first, and then trapped by what you get addicted to. Are you addicted to trying to fix others? Do you have a need to be taken care of? Do you feel you need to be in control? Are you addicted to thinking that you are right and having someone agree with you even when you are wrong? Is it more important to you to be right than it is to actually get along? Are you addicted to the fight for justice and/or validation?
They are traps.
When we seek anything that we need to provide for ourselves form the inside out from the outside in instead what follows is a toxic bond, an unhealthy painful and often abusive connection that will suck the life right out of you, if it hasn’t already.
If you want to free yourself from what you are addicted to, from what it is that you want, need, and/or desire that gets you hooked and re-hooked into all that a toxic relationship is and means, you must turn inward to face the precious mistakes that you’ve made.
Your mistakes are your growth opportunities.
You must not only turn inward to face your precious mistakes but you must also stop blaming someone else for your choices. Choices that you may well have made in less than aware ways, but choices that were yours nonetheless. You must take personal responsibility for meeting your own needs.
Getting out of a toxic relationship, its pain and endless suffering requires your choosing to make changes based upon what you will learn from over time that were the precious mistakes that you needed to make to come to the place where your need to understand yourself better outweighs your fear of facing your own unresolved issues from the past.
Learn more about how to become more fully aware of just what your precious mistakes have been so that you can learn from them once and for all and find the love, peace, and happiness that you so long for and deserve. You might want to consider booking a Life Coaching or Toxic Relationship Coaching Session with me. You can do so by just clicking on the Coaching Session Paypal drop down menu in the right and left hand columns. I can help you to gain more awareness and to empower the change that you may already know you want and need in your life but that you aren’t sure how to actually create.
© A.J. Mahari – 2009 – All rights reserved.